Bad management manifests itself in many ways but the result is always the same - high staff turnover, low staff morale and poor workplace performance. This article offers a light-hearted look at a serious workplace problem.

There are many ways to be a bad manager but the result will always be the same. Badly managed staff will have low morale, little or no loyalty to the company and show little or no motivation and effort in the way they deal with customers. Bad managers will either ignore these facts or believe that it is the fault of the staff, who should automatically show loyalty and motivation.

So how can you become a bad manager?

Don't communicate with staff, just dump things on their desk with a deadline and expect them to get on with it and finish it by the deadline (which must be completely unreasonable and non-negotiable).

Don't make any effort to get to know staff, keep them at arms length and show no interest in them as a person.

Always criticise staff for the slightest error or rebuke them for being a minute late when they get back from lunch (works particularly well when someone has a birthday or has a new child).

Be totally sexist and expect the youngest woman (it doesn't matter whether you are male or female here) to make you coffee or nip out to get something from the shop for lunch for you.

Talk rubbish but always make it sound serious and important.
Be rude and talk down to your staff and always refer to them as "my staff", especially when they are within earshot as it helps them to realise their place in society and the office.

When staff ask for bereavement leave, just give them part of the day off.

Never ask them if they had a good holiday and it is a real no-no for the bad manager to ask where they went.

Avoid small-talk as it might make you seem concerned about their opinion or could even give the opinion you are interested in their well being.

If you have to converse on anything other than work, make sure you focus the conversation on you.

When you really feel that you need to give praise, make it very general and always sound insincere otherwise they will think you are a weak manager, when someone makes a mistake, don't tackle them directly, NEVER try to find out if there are any extenuating circumstances and always send round a stern memo about it - that way, you will make everyone feel responsible and it could count as the first warning in preparation for dismissal.

Dismiss out of hand the idea of a suggestions box and if, heaven forbid, the idea of having a company social day, team building or corporate entertainment crops up, just walk away and ignore it completely, unless of course it is restricted to management.

Delegate EVERYTHING so that you get paid for doing next to nothing.

Reorganise jobs and make staff redundant in order to save the organisation money, making sure that you award yourself a pay rise and higher status along the way.

There are many other ways but hey, bad managers need to work out a few things for themselves! Good luck.